You have met this beautiful, kind and attentive lady. She happens to be a full time Kabajo (キャバ嬢). You have the feeling that she really likes you and she told you so. You would like to take it further. Here are some thoughts that you may want to keep in mind before going for a relationship commitment.
The “Doing your best” culture
今日も頑張る！Today I will give my best!
A sentence that you will have heard a lot if you live in Japan. Love it or hate it, “giving your all” is part of the Japanese culture. Dedication to a few things, but full dedication. Work is often one of them. This means that a Kabajo will often only date you as long as it does not impact her work in any way. You have a date but a customer would like to meet her? Tough luck for you. She was supposed to meet you the next day but customers asked for an “after” and she finished at 8am completely drunk? Bad luck for you. Full dedication to the couple will come upon marriage. Before that, it will be full dedication to work. Period. Coming from a different culture, this can be sometimes difficult to accept. It will have an impact on the frequency of dating, on public display of affection, on her attention being split between you and the hundred of customers who will message her. And on intimacy.
Frequency of Dating
As I explained in a previous post, expect her to be very, very busy. A Kabajo can have 50~200 regular customers. All wanting her attention. All messaging her regularly. She will need to make time to look her best. Selling dreams is her work. Expect lengthy Nails sessions, Hairdresser, Spa, Facials, Eyelash extensions, clothing, and so on. She will often finish drunk and late, 6 days a week. Waking up only a few hours before going to work. She will want to reserve her only day(s) off to meet her family, or just crash at home and sleep for a day. Of all the people I know dating full time Kabajos, very few meet on a weekly basis. Most would meet about twice a month.
Dates will get cancelled last minutes, because of a customer changing his schedule last minute, or her simply getting sick.
She will always be on alert for Chat messages that she needs to answer to. For the ones I know, anywhere between 100 and 500 messages a day.
The only time to possibly see her relaxed is after the last customer is gone, at maybe 3-4am, or during a holiday. That means very few opportunities for intimacy, unless you live together.
Privacy
Work is paramount. Her work will expect her not to have a boyfriend, or at least never, ever hear anything about it. No customer should ever discover a boyfriend. This means the utmost privacy.
No pictures together ever to be posted on social media. No mention of being at the same place at the same time. No Public display of affection if you are on a date together. Ever.
It can be initially difficult if you are not prepared for this.
The Sefure (セフレ) and the Hosts
One of the biggest temptations for the Kabajo is to simply settle for Sefure. Sex friends. Usually hosts. Let me explain.
You will see two types of crowds at night. The hostesses/Kabajos and the Hosts. Host clubs target ladies. These are handsome young men, high EQ, trained in making stressed Kabajos relax and unwind. The Host clubs are often a place for group of Kabajo friends to gather after work, finally being pampered. The hosts are always available, at any time of the night, they understand the Kabajos in a way that only another Kabukicho worker of the Night can understand. They have little time as well and make the perfect “Sometimes let’s have sex” friend. No string attached. Competing against these hosts can be a challenge. They are more handsome than you (at least for the Kabajo target audience), they understand the Kabajo issues better than you, they are always nearby and available when the Kabajos finally have a few minutes (at 3 or 4am), they offer the possibility of one-off hookups without ever bothering you again. Your only advantage, is that they are expensive.
Not all Kabajos will cheat in their relationships. In fact I would guess that about 50% does not cheat. But you never know which 50% your girlfriend will fall into. And you will never find out, because the hosts are masters of privacy and no string attached.
So you want to date this Kabajo.
Secrecy. Limited dating opportunities. Attention always split between you and the phone. The threat of hosts always lurking.
Can you really deal with it?
Tokyo: a male foreigner guide 